This morning was a good example. I came home from the gym and my wife and I started talking about lunch. I thought I heard her say something about wanting breakfast, so I asked her to repeat it. She said, “Nevermind.” and went into the bedroom to finish cleaning it up. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it and I have nothing to worry about, but I was worried nonetheless. I felt scared and I’m not sure of what. I knew there was nothing to be scared about so I was able to push through those feelings.

Most times it goes away in about 30 to 40 minutes. Every once in a great while, it gets really bad and I feel like I just have to get away. To anywhere but where I am. I know it won’t help, that it’s my brain kicking on the fight-or-flight reaction while pumping more adrenaline into my bloodstream. I’ve found some things I can do that help me calm down, but it takes about 20-30 minutes. It’s hard to remember that it’s just my brain tricking me. Maybe it’s a chemical imbalance or maybe it’s something traumatic, I’m not sure. All I know is that when it comes I have to do my best to not let it get a hold of me. If I do, I will just spiral down and it will just be that much harder to pull myself out of the slump.

Even though she doesn’t read this, I’m still going to apologize to my wife for all the weirdness. Thanks for sticking with me, through the good times and the bad times.